Is so dark and noisy, I feel like I'm falling into the music and I won't be able to stop until I throw up somewhere inside, I just push someone and dump my friends inside. Damn, good that the walls are helpful tonight, and why did they put the stairs so high and so many of them. I will fall for sure but at least I won't feel anything, ironic, most of the times I feel everything too intense, too much pain get from thinking and falling. I felt so many times and the scars stood too long on my knees and arms, but good I had someone to help me stand up again.
I try to climb down the stairs with my vision spinning and my head messed up, I just wanna get put and breath some fresh air, I want out from this, can't take anymore, I've took too much, at least that's how I feel now, and I am sure is not what it looks like. Maybe the amount of alcohol send more to me from my dark spot, even if I blocked the roads and I build tall walls with spikes, so none can come back to the city, gotta protect myself somehow.
Feels so good to breath fresh air, feels so good outside, people are walking around and looking at me but now who cares, I just need to be alone and think. Should I light up a cigarette? Hmmm...maybe not, it will make me more dizzy, but who cares, I feel like smoking, I will find a way to stand up again, like always, hope I will be able to do it on and on.
I sit on a stair outside and smoke, with a lost look to the sidewalk and my thoughts away. Feels so good to be with me and just think or at least I think I am. Keep seeing legs passing by in their walking process to some nice place or to the next club to party some more. I just want mine to help me find my way home. Who's gonna drive me home? Maybe my fears are the only ones who can pretend to be my friends and to fool me into some lazy game that will end me alone in my bed, sleeping and stinking like alcohol and cigarette smoke. Why are they there? What would I do wrong and they come to protect me, or to set up some limits and ground rules. I don't need rules, I mean they are good but I need to see who am I and what am I capable of and to see if I like what am I doing. But no, I have to find my friends and ask them for help, I mean, in the end they have to take me home or to convince me to go back inside which I would like to, but can I take this again, I mean, would I go back to a place that gives me headache and so loud , I can't even hear my thoughts?
Ohhh...here they come to look for me, it took them awhile, or maybe I don't have the time sense at this hour.
Please take me home, I am not capable of anything now, I mean I like you and I would like to take you home with me girl, but helpless me you see now is down and I need to lay on something softer at least because it will take some time to get back on track.
I stand to try to walk but suddenly I see something I may know. I get closer to the driveway, is crazy busy and cars keep passing by so fast.
Hey, you, yea you...how are you? I know you, you are the guy who got back on my fears, who fought with it, how does it feel? How is it to try whatever you feel like and not have call backs, fears? How is it, I see you are very confident and look smart, is because you know how everything is , is because were you able to chose and you did? Tell me, don't be selfish, share with me, see, I am stuck here, you were suppose to help me, I mean you owe me something too. Help me build my confidence. No answer, ha? I guess you are very arrogant too, I can imagine though, you can afford that. Pffff...at least don't come and throw everything in my face and act like "look at me , I am so cool and confident". Whatever, I guess I will see you around man.
Sorry guys, just someone that looked familiar, I guess I was confused or maybe it was an old friend who got rude and don't answer anymore to others.
Let's go home.
