miercuri, 10 octombrie 2012

Side walk

Is so dark and noisy, I feel like I'm falling into the music and I won't be able to stop until I throw up somewhere inside, I just push someone and dump my friends inside. Damn, good that the walls are helpful tonight, and why did they put the stairs so high and so many of them. I will fall for sure but at least I won't feel anything, ironic, most of the times I feel everything too intense, too much pain get from thinking and falling. I felt so many times and the scars stood too long on my knees and arms, but good I had someone to help me stand up again.
I try to climb down the stairs with my vision spinning and my head messed up, I just wanna get put and breath some fresh air, I want out from this, can't take anymore, I've took too much, at least that's how I feel now, and I am sure is not what it looks like. Maybe the amount of alcohol send more to me from my dark spot, even if I blocked the roads and I build tall walls with spikes, so none can come back to the city, gotta protect myself somehow.
Feels so good to breath fresh air, feels so good outside, people are walking around and looking at me but now who cares, I just need to be alone and think. Should I light up a cigarette? Hmmm...maybe not, it will make me more dizzy, but who cares, I feel like smoking, I will find a way to stand up again, like always, hope I will be able to do it on and on.
I sit on a stair outside and smoke, with a lost look to the sidewalk and my thoughts away. Feels so good to be with me and just think or at least I think I am. Keep seeing legs passing by in their walking process to some nice place or to the next club to party some more. I just want mine to help me find my way home. Who's gonna drive me home? Maybe my fears are the only ones who can pretend to be my friends and to fool me into some lazy game that will end me alone in my bed, sleeping and stinking like alcohol and cigarette smoke. Why are they there? What would I do wrong and they come to protect me, or to set up some limits and ground rules. I don't need rules, I mean they are good but I need to see who am I and what am I capable of and to see if I like what am I doing. But no, I have to find my friends and ask them for help, I mean, in the end they have to take me home or to convince me to go back inside which I would like to, but can I take this again, I mean, would I go back to a place that gives me headache and so loud , I can't even hear my thoughts?
Ohhh...here they come to look for me, it took them awhile, or maybe I don't have the time sense at this hour.
Please take me home, I am not capable of anything now, I mean I like you and I would like to take you home with me girl, but helpless me you see now is down and I need to lay on something softer at least because it will take some time to get back on track.
I stand to try to walk but suddenly I see something I may know. I get closer to the driveway, is crazy busy and cars keep passing by so fast.
Hey, you, yea you...how are you? I know you, you are the guy who got back on my fears, who fought with it, how does it feel? How is it to try whatever you feel like and not have call backs, fears? How is it, I see you are very confident and look smart, is because you know how everything is , is because were you able to chose and you did? Tell me, don't be selfish, share with me, see, I am stuck here, you were suppose to help me, I mean you owe me something too. Help me build my confidence. No answer, ha? I guess you are very arrogant too, I can imagine though, you can afford that. Pffff...at least don't come and throw everything in my face and act like "look at me , I am so cool and confident". Whatever, I guess I will see you around man.
Sorry guys, just someone that looked familiar, I guess I was confused or maybe it was an old friend who got rude and don't answer anymore to others.
Let's go home.

sâmbătă, 29 septembrie 2012

Glasvegas

Is it there a right time when things should come down and kick you in the balls like they  used to do, no wonder why sometimes they just don't work the way supposed to. I guess there is no right time for anything, should I just put it on the sign of mistakes, that in the past 3 months I thought I found the right one every time I turned my head around and got a better view than yesterday. It was just my mind cheating on me, like my own heart used to do it, still tries to but I am working on it. Now just my mind keeps me busy at night and sometimes two hours are not enough for all the thoughts to pass through my mind and to review all my life from the mistakes point of view.

Always thought that this is what I want to be, well now I am talking about myself the one I've been in the past 3 months when I was falling for every opportunity I came across to. Sweet, gotta say it was good, got some of it, some new and some just played with me but I wanted to believe that I had played with, ha funny me, loser me.

Look is just another day and many to come and who knows how many thoughts, till now some shots and a pack of cigarettes succeeded where I used to fail. Good job but come on, how long I can continue with this shit coming and going on. When am I gonna feel like me and feel good with what I pulled of by now and do not depend on walking opportunities that look good under the candle light and with their part wardrobe on my bedroom floor? Guess I will not answer this question and maybe I should not ask others either because I have no answers and dunno where to look for.

Get together to take part of my show where I can sing drunk and put up a lame strip show where people can laugh and leave some pity dollar bills at the door when they exit before the show ends.

Have fun, I still got it.

joi, 26 ianuarie 2012

Iarna asta....pfff....frig rau!

Ma uit pe geam si vad cum viscoleste. Se face ora de plecat acasa de la munca numai ca trebuie sa dau ochii cu ninsoarea si parca nu as iesi afara. Acum am de ales, ori raman la munca mai mult, dar nu cred in vreo ameliorare a vremii ori infrunt vijelia.

Zgribulit in pat cu 10 paturi pe mine plus una electrica si cu picioarele intr-un lighean cu apa fierbinte. Asta e singura metoda de infruntat vremea asta vitrega.

Am fost acasa la pranz sa mananc si sincer spun, am crezut ca nu mai ajung. 1 milion de bobite mici de zapada spulberate de vant, imi loveau fata ca niste ace marunte. Mi s-a intins pielea de pe fata de aratam mai ceva ca dupa o operatie estetica. Singura problema a fost ca mi-a luat 20 de minute pana sa imi iau de pe fata zambetul ala talamb pe care il afisam, era doar din cauza gerului ca mi-a inghetat fata asa.

Ma asteapta inca o noapte plina. Sper doar sa nu se intrerupa curentul ca raman doar intr-o lanterna amarata de la un Nokia 100. Sa nu mai spun ca zapada in fata casei ajunge pana la nivelul pragului si cum deschid usa cum o gramajoara de zapada incearca sa isi faca loc la caldurica. E de pus mana la lopata si joc de incheietura.